Through Buckner's Legs

First of all, people need to stop jumping to conclusions. We still don’t have all the facts. That being said, Cromartie’s supposed “the bottle slipped out of my hand” excuse makes him look like an idiot. In the NFL that’s called a “fumble.” In a bar fight, that’s called Assault with a Deadly Weapon (although part of me thinks thats a little steep… its not like he shot the dude or hacked at him with a pickaxe. It was a bottle of friggin Dom).

Second, keep in mind that this happened at Bar West. Have you ever been to Bar West? Its douchetastic. Its a friggin Ed Hardy parade in there. Lots of foreign dudes with faux-hawks. So its sorta like the Tila Tequila incident. I’m not saying I condone the behavior, but I kinda understand…
Dave, out.

(consider this my “come out of retirement” speech. Dave’s back)

What’s the best way to celebrate a 32-3 win over the Denver Broncos?

a. Go home, it was merely a meaningless regular season game.

b. Dump the Gatorade cooler over Coach Norv Turner’s head. 7-3 record, first place baby!

c. Hit up a bar and pummel innocent bystanders with bottles of Dom Perignon.

For Chargers cornerback Antonio Cromartie, the “correct” answer was C. According to Fanhouse, Cromartie was involved in an altercation last night at Bar West, a popular San Diego nightclub. Making matters worse, he was accused of hitting a man in the head with a tossed Champage bottle.

Rather than doing something intelligent like denying his involvement altogether, Cromartie went with the “it slipped out of my hand” justification.

Honest mistake, Antonio. The condensation on the bottle, mixed with the dry San Diego air, caused it to slip out of your grasp and coincidentally fall on someone’s head… while you were already engaged in a fight. Totally believable.

This goes to show that you shouldn’t trust the decision making skills of someone with chrome grills… or 14 illegitimate children… or with the twitter name “CrimeTime31.”

Yesterday was a big day for the current dead weight of the sports world.

Larry Johnson was signed by the Cincinnati Bengals, removing all doubts that Cincinnati has the backfield with the league’s most extensive criminal record. The Bengals first option was Lawrence Phillips, until they realized that he actually won’t be released from prison until 2018.

What is the reasoning here? Cincy is 7-2 and in first place in the AFC North, arguably the NFL’s toughest division in 2009. Why bring in a player that can single-handedly murder the chemistry of a team that usually doesn’t have good chemistry to begin with? I don’t see this signing going well at all.

It also comes as no surprise that Allen Iverson’s brief stint with the Memphis Grizzlies abruptly ended yesterday.  I’ll be honest, I’m a little upset.  The AI-Zach Randolph relationship had a lot of unintentional comedy potential.  They are both selfish, offense first players that couldn’t possibly exist on the court together. The possibilities were endless!

Finally, how can we forget the outspoken Stephen Jackson? Jackson was traded to the Charlotte Bobcats (not his first, second or third choice) for 3 cents on the dollar. Charlotte coach Larry Brown’s reasoning: “I can handle high maintenance.” Good luck with that!